How do I help?
It’s not always easy to know what to say or do when someone you care about tells you they have experienced harassment, discrimination, stalking, domestic/dating violence, sexual assault, or other sexual other sexual misconduct. Here are a few suggestions of ways to show support:
- Make sure they are safe.
- Listen and give them space to talk.
- Communicate free of judgement.
- If the complainant decides to seek medical help or wants to file a report, offer to be there to support them.
- Suggest that they consider getting support and share resources with them, but allow them to make their own decision.
- Be patient and understand that there is no timeline for recovering from trauma. Allow them to decide when they are ready to engage in activities and do not pressure them.
- Encourage them to practice good self-care during this difficult time.
- If they seem suicidal, here are some tips on how to help.
- Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Helping someone who has experienced a traumatic event can be difficult. You may benefit from speaking to a counselor.
- Do not engage in actions that could be considered retaliation against the respondent. Allow the VSCS resolution processes adjudicate the complaint.
- Educate yourself on the process and look at the FAQS.
- Being supportive does not mean you have to approve with or agree with another person’s actions or choices.
Supporting a Friend or Family Member
If a loved one chooses to tell you about an incident of sexual violence, stalking, harassment or discrimination, it is important to give them a space where they can talk and not feel judged. It can be difficult to hear that they have been harmed, and even more difficult if long distance is preventing you from being physically present to support them. However, being a good listener, even from afar, is often the best way to offer support.
It is important to remember that no matter the circumstances, what happened was not your loved one’s fault. Resist the urge, especially as a parent, to reprimand them or point out something that you believe put them in harms way. Your loved one may blame themselves for what happened. Let them know that they did not do anything to deserve what happened and that it was not their fault.
How Can Faculty and Staff Provide Support?
As a faculty or staff member who may encounter individuals involved with incidents of harassment, discrimination, sexual misconduct, domestic/dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking, it is important to understand your role within the VSCS. At the VSCS, EVERY employee is considered a “responsible employee,” unless acting within their role as a specifically-designated confidential resource (e.g., health center counselor).
As a “responsible employee,” you are a mandatory reporter and are required to promptly report allegations of harassment, discrimination sexual misconduct, domestic/dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking to your institution’s Title IX Coordinator, Dean of Students, the President, or, if the employee works in the Office of the Chancellor, to the Director of Human Resources. A “responsible employee” under Title IX is not the same as a “campus security authority” under Clery Act (although some employees may be both).
Gentle Interruption
If you are approached by a student or employee about an incident, you may want to interrupt them gently before they disclose their story to you and let them know that you may be required to report the incident to the Title IX Coordinator, which may lead to an investigation by the institution. Inform them that you will keep their experience private, but that you cannot keep it confidential due to your reporting obligations. If they do choose to share their experience with you, do not share the information they give you outside of the Policy 311/311-A process.
Resources
Refer the individual to available campus and community resources. Although it is important to be supportive, the most helpful thing you can do as a staff or faculty member is to let the individual know how to get in contact with professionals who are trained to support those who may have experienced sexual assault or misconduct, dating/domestic violence, stalking, harassment, or discrimination.
Advisor Role
Parties are entitled to the same opportunity to have an advisor or support person of their choosing at any meeting or interview they have with investigators. As a VSCS employee, you may be asked by a complainant or respondent to be their advisor during the investigation process. As an advisor, you may advise the complainant privately, but during an investigation interview, you cannot act as a speaking advocate. If you fail to comply with these requirements, an investigator may terminate the meeting and proceed with the investigation based on otherwise-available information.